


Help I Can't Be His Friend, Aleister Crowley, I Love Him

by snowkatze



Series: Snowbaz OneShots [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6887299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon finally figures out whether he's gay or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help I Can't Be His Friend, Aleister Crowley, I Love Him

I was hanging around Simon's and Penny's appartment when he came home.

'I figured it out' he said, beaming.

I smiled at him. He was so vivid.

'What did you figure out?' I asked and stood up to face him. He looked like he had discovered all the secrets of the universe.

'I'm not gay!'

With that, I froze. Snow had been dealing with that issue for months. I had hoped it would take him longer to find out, what i had known all this time: he was not really in love with me. I never told him how much it hurt me how he was trying to figure out wether to date boys or girls after he had broken up with me.

So this was how it ended. With Snow grinning at me like everything was fine, like he was not in the middle of dumping me. I hated it. And he kept talking, but I coudn't listen to him. I coudn't listen to him telling me that we were not together anymore. Maybe he said something about Agatha, too. I didn't want to know it.

Suddenly I realized that this might be the last time I'd ever see him. I woudn't ever touch him again. And there was no way in the world I could stand being without him.

'Simon,' I said. 'Can we please stay friends?'

I hoped so much he said 'yes' because any other answer would've burnt me. The thought of never seeing him again killed me. So he didn't love me. I was okay with that. I knew that I couldn't expect anyone to have feelings for a bloody vampire. But the thought of losing him was too much.

There might have been an iternity in front of me and I wasn't capable of spending that iternity without him. Not because I was a fool or desperate but because I loved him to the moon and back.

'What?' he asked startled. 'Friends? You mean like...'

I saw realization dawn on him.

'Oh... I... I'm gonna have to think about that.'

His face turned red. He looked away. I watched the ground.

'Please phone me,' I whispered before I walked past him to the door.

It ended just like that. Not with a big fight or tears. Just with the silent closing of the door behind me.

 

It took him two weeks. I didn't expect him to come back to me anymore. When I got his call I was playing the violin. I did that when I tried not to think. And it was damn hard to get his gazing blue eyes out of my head.

'Let's meet in that café. You know the one, at the end of the street?'

Of course he wants to meet in a café. Scones were always important to him. Hopefully his life had gotten easy now. Now that he didn't have to deal with any gay vampire magicians any more... I knew I shoudn't think that because it wasn't true but I coudn't help myself. Surely he was luckier now. If I loved him so much, I really should let him go.

'Don't be selfish,' I told myself before I went into the café but then I saw him sitting there, all bronze curls and moles and sweater. He was going to make it hard on me.

When he saw me he smiled vaguely and I walked towards him.

'So,' I said.

'So,' he said. He looked kind of nervous. 'The answer is yes. We can be friends if you want to.'

A heavy weight fell from my shoulders. I didn't know how I would've reacted if he had said no. I'd probably treated him like I did all those years ago, like my enemy, so he woudn't notice how much his words affected me.

'What do you think?' he asked. 'Should we just forget about it? I mean, like, everything that's happend between us. Could be awkward otherwise.'

Forget him? Forget how he kissed me in the burning woods, in the mansion and so many times after? How he held my hand and looked at me like he really felt something? How he danced with me at the leavers ball? Never.

'Sure,' I said because I'd always lie to make him happy.

Sudden satisfaction came over me. I woudn't have to say good bye to him. I knew the day was still to come but not quite yet.

'Should we grab some coffee?' I asked. He nodded.

'Just one more thing,' he muttered. 'You... You can't expect me to get over you so quickly. I mean, I get it, you didn't want things to get so serious between us. But that doesn't mean that those feelings just go away like that. They never might. Penny says I'm gonna meet someone else soon but I just can't imagine that. You must be aware of that.'

'What are you talking about? You- You said you weren't gay.'

'I also said I'm not straight either and it doesn't really matter because I just want you.'

'Wait, so you didn't break up with me two weeks ago?'

'Ehr, no. You thought I did?'

'Must have been a misunderstanding.'

Suddenly he smiled at me and I smiled back.

'We aren't friends, then?' he asked.

'No,' I smirked and hugged him, breathing in his smell. Suddenly I realized that he woudn't dump me smiling. If I got lucky, and I had rarely gotten lucky in years so you might have said I deserved it, he woudn't dump me at all. My heart started racing. One deserves some happiness when he loses his mother, becomes a vampire and the enemy of the love of his life. The past didn't look so good and I didn't want to think about the future.

 

But right here, right now, when I looked into his eyes, I really was lucky. And therefore, it was worth it.

 


End file.
